When is it not personal?

The Logo channel is a station that has the power to give today's LGBT population either immense hope or another dose of depression.

I watch some of the shows occasionally. I loved it when I first moved from LA to Colorado, because things like The L Word reminded me of home.... everyone watched it. Human rights movements were everywhere. Gay friends and activism were a part of life. And as human nature would have it, I took these things for granted until they were no longer there for the taking. It isn't that Colorado is particularly universally homophobic.... it's just that I haven't met a single out LGBT person all year. It's an issue that gets swept under the carpet and overshadowed by the oh so much more important problem of how much taxes the rich have to pay. <--- In case you aren't good at interpretting tone over internet, that was sarcasm. Who knows how long it will take for gay marriage to be accepted... what with the religious right dominating the population out here - I shit you not - there is a governor candidate running who wants to outlaw abortions AND birth control. BIRTH CONTROL! WTF!!! I think if marriage equality showed up on the ballot, the man would go into anaphylactic shock. [/tangent] My point here is that the general feel of the midwest is that religion rules everything.

The shows and stories on Logo are great inspiration. Sometimes the more reality-like ones are even uplifting just by the simple fact that they have an air of... this is normal, this is common, this is life.... even if they don't directly address rights and oppression. There's a funny thing about inspiration though. If the receiver has absolutely no outlet to pursue it, it can just as quickly turn to loss of hope. See, see here, all this cool stuff other people are doing, see, I would do that, except that I can't. I went through this before I moved actually, in a different venue. I follow a method of horse training that was violently opposed where I came from. I couldn't stand watching inspirational displays of horsemanship because I knew I wasn't "allowed" to try anything myself. And anytime an opportunity to learn something came along, it just added depression. I imagine this is how the typical midwestern LGBT teen feels about Logo. Look at all these out and happy people, I would be out and happy, except that I can't. And so I stopped watching it for the most part.

...Until tonight. My usual shows weren't on. Didn't wanna watch that episode of Family Guy for the 3rd time this week. I inched over to peek at Logo and discovered that actually Doc (the documentary channel) had something called Born Again. Rolling my eyes expecting a history of the baptist church, I clicked the info. It was a documentary about how a women's relationship with her Evangelical family was effected by her being a lesbian. Perhaps it was the emotional sadist in me, but I decided to watch it. And it was amazing and life changing, as most late night decisions are. ;)

This woman grew up in a verrrry religious Evangelical environment. Out of school, she went to Europe, as most fresh out of school kids do. In Holland, she fell in love with another woman. Because of her upbringing, it was hard to accept at first. Cliff notes version, she finally came to terms with herself, abandoned her family's religion, and came out. Back in America, she found a girlfriend who she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. Needless to say, her parents were disgusted.

Her brother became enstranged. Her parents rejected her. They couldn't deal with it. She didn't let her own daughter bring her girlfriend into their home because she wouldn't allow the "sin" to happen in her house. She compared it to allowing someone in their house if they were going to steal or kill. For family functions, they made her stay in a hotel. She just wanted her family's love and support, she wanted to be part of their lives. Her brother said that he didn't want her in his life because her sins were sending her to hell and he couldn't associate with that, whereas she didn't believe in after life and just wanted to enjoy her time with them here. When he was telling his kids about his sister, he started with "She doesn't love god." He didn't allow the kids to call her partner Aunt Catherine. He said because she wasn't blood family. Yeah well, she asked if she married a man would he let them call him Uncle __? Yes, but this love isn't recognized by god, so they can't call her an aunt. She was talking about how her being gay had pulled them apart. She asked him if he would love her more if she were straight and Evangelical, and if he wouldn't have abandoned her. His response, exactly - "God unites, and if you were born again we would have a relationship that would grow much deeper much faster." I think I puked in my mouth. She asked her parents pretty much the same thing. Her mom said that she loved her no matter what, (real convincing! the daughter didn't seem to feel that way!) but that she hoped she'd repent and change before she gets sent to hell for her sin. That's a mother's love for ya. "Praying that I will return to the faith is almost a denial, its a refusal to see who I truly am."

Near the end, she reflected on how religion pulled her apart from her parents. "You go so many years without getting acceptance, or it being conditional, and after a while you just say screw it."

Another of my favorite quotes from this brilliant documentary (I would put this on a bumper sticker if I wouldn't get keyed in CO) "When you've been raised so extremely religious, you have to completely reprogram yourself, it takes a while before you can start becoming a normal human being again."

"Religion is like drug, nothing can break through the hold of a true believer. Though its taken time, I've excluded myself and found my own family... I have been born again."

The documentary showed a clip of the 2004 presidential debate. They were celebrating a victory, I'm assuming it was the win but I was busy typing notes and didn't care that much to watch Bush affairs. Mary Cheney was not allowed to appear on stage. Because Republicans are anti-gay and like, what would damage their image? UGH! She made another awesome point - Oppresion is like dealing with dissapproving parents all over again. 11 states voted to ban gay marriage. The Bush administration tried to redefine the constitution for equality and freedom for all.... straight people. Every internet debate on gay "lifestyle" invariably has some Christian yahoo on his soap box, preaching that it's the gay person's choice to be offended by the Christian religion. You know, we'll just have our little religious talk here and if you don't like it, then ignore. SERIOUSLY? What planet are they from (religuloustopia of course!), in what world does that make sense. Soooo often, you hear people telling them "don't take it personally." How is it not personal, when the only reason there is even any stigma attached to homosexuality is because the Bible says its taboo? How is it not personal that a large chunk of humanity... full of people who have never met you, nor ever will... hates you, because of who you are. And we're supposed to live with that?

When is it not personal, after your family abandons you, religion condemns you, law questions your ability to raise children, and your government wont even recognise your marriage for what it is????

This isn't the post on my opinions on and case for gay rights, this documentary just needed to be talked about. And because I'm the pink flamingo on the great lawn of rural Christians:


BE the change! It's the difference that makes a difference. I think I'm gonna get one of these shirts and wear it around town for a day, see what kind of reactions I get. Because I'm sorry Evangelical living in your utopian see-no-evil world, but I take in personally.